Category Archives: Post-Grad

When You’re The One Who Loves Less

In light of Valentine’s Day being tomorrow, I just wanted to reflect briefly on my identity as a lover and how it’s changed over the past few years. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend the Thought Catalog article When You’re The One Who Loves Less. I can relate so closely with the author, it’s almost terrifying.

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When you’re the one who loves less, you take the other person for granted. They try so hard to make you happy, to make you feel complete, to prove that they deserve your love – as if it’s a privilege that must constantly be earned. But no matter how much time or effort they put into making the relationship work, the inevitable truth is that you can’t give them what they want or need. But why do you stay? Because it’s comforting, convenient, and familiar. Because you’re afraid to be alone. Because you have this hole inside your heart that you’re trying so desperately to fill with the first person who is willing to devote themselves completely to you.

And when you finally have the courage to leave them, you ruin their lives. Not forever, but long enough. You think about single instances where you could have been more considerate, more affectionate, a better human being to them. You feel selfish. You ask yourself if you’re even capable of commitment anymore, even though it’s the only thing you’ve ever truly wanted. Months go by and you wonder if you had made the right decision. What if you had taken the risk, packed your bags, invested yourself fully in that person, and never looked back? Regret starts to sink in.

valentine_by_lieveheersbeestje-d5ugat1Valentine by lieveheersbeestje

But then it suddenly hits you: This isn’t the first time you’ve been here. You scrutinize every relationship you’ve ever been in, regardless of how serious, and realize that you were always the one who loved less – and it’s shameful. So when someone new walks into your life, no matter how wonderful they may be, you’re perpetually second-guessing yourself. Wondering if you’ll get it right this time. Hoping that one day you’ll finally become the one who loves equally.

Until one night, as if reading your mind, they tell you what it’s like to be the one who always loved more. How they were left feeling insufficient, abandoned, and so easily replaceable in past relationships. And when they confide in you the single most intimate and devastating moment in their life, it dawns on you that this is it. This is the most vulnerable part of them, and they were entrusting you with it. As if to hand you their still-beating heart and tell you, “Do whatever you want with it.” And it hurts so much that you’re guilty of being the villain in a tragedy too similar. But there’s just something so sincere about this kind of intimacy that you have no time to think, just feel. And for the first time in too long, you’re optimistic.

treasure_by_lieveheersbeestje-d5t0uvxTreasure by lieveheersbeestje

Nico Lang couldn’t have worded it better:
“Love doesn’t happen all at once; love grows inside of you; love is built through trust, communication and respect and that takes time and openness. If you want to be the one who loves, you need to stop focusing so much on the end goal and enjoy where you are at now, and if you can’t, that’s when you get out. Because you might wake up one day and discover that the life you have now — that life of shared dishes and Christmas stockings with their name on it — is love. You might not be able to call it that yet, but it’s there waiting for you — whenever you’re ready for it. ”

I can now recognize that my major flaw was being impatient – wanting life to breeze by too quickly, and fast forward to the “good parts.” But I’ve learned that it doesn’t work like that. Expecting too much too soon will inevitably lead to disappointment and frustration when things don’t go the way you planned. It’s the journey to the final destination that makes it more meaningful and worthwhile, after all. I admit that I’ve made mistakes in the past, but I also think I’ve developed into someone who can now appreciate relationships for what they are instead of what I can get out of them. With that said.. I am truly grateful to be able to say that I couldn’t be happier with who I’m with right now, and I look forward to spending a fulfilling future with them.signature3signature5

Interior Decoration by Urban Outfitters

I’m planning to move out of my parents’ house within the next 12 to 18 months. It’s a terrifying concept. Not because I’ll be living on my own; I did that for four years in college. But because I’m blindly jumping into this new experience alone. Most of my friends don’t plan on making the same kind of step for another several years, for some reason or another. And since I’ve had a terrible history of roommates, I would prefer to share a house with the people I already trust and care about. But no one is ready to commit, even though I feel like I’m already prepared. :(

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My boyfriend and I have discussed moving into a modest apartment together, and although I know that would be a more practical option, neither of us know where we’ll be a year from now.  :X It doesn’t stop me from fantasizing about the new place I’ll call home, though. In particular, I’ve been daydreaming a lot about interior decoration. It goes beyond color schemes, and I end up thinking about the fine details. Truth be told, the majority of it was inspired by all the wonderful goodies in the APARTMENT section on the Urban Outfitters website. I didn’t even realize how much they have in stock until I browsed through its entirety the other week! :o

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To be honest, I’ve always associated the crowd that frequents Urban Outfitters with pretentious hipsters. But a lot of the decor on their website is actually practical, all while being trendy. In fact, a lot of their curtains and bedspreads feature simple and quiet patterns. A lot of floral print, too, which I’m obsessed with. Although a lot of what they carry are a bit expensive compared to large department stores like Target, I feel like every piece would bring its own unique presence into a room.

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For example, I came across a pair of salt-and-pepper shakers on the website in the shape of dinosaurs. Completely unnecessary from a minimalist’s point of view, but would definitely bring life and personality into an otherwise plain dining room or kitchen. Same thing for the birdcage shower curtain and whale bathtub mat (which reminds me of Twitter’s “fail whale”) pictured above!

And admit it, nothing says “geek chic” like a chemistry beaker set for your fresh flowers. :P Their Maria Jewelry Box (which I’ve conveniently added to my wishlist) would make organizing a breeze, as well. I know I’m getting ahead of myself, but I just can’t wait to decorate! I already have several pieces of furniture in my current bedroom that would settle quite nicely in a new space. Speaking of furniture, my friends at Wholesale Furniture Brokers are offering some pretty sweet deals on section sofas. Just check out their website for more information. ;)

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Oh, if only the rent in New York weren’t so expensive. :< I have so many things to save up for before moving out, the first being a car. So I have a long way to go in terms of budgeting before I should be thinking about interior decoration. But a girl can dream, right?
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I used to find it embarrassing..

..when people I knew in real life stumbled upon my blog. (Hence why I rarely promote any of my posts via Facebook.) But recently, a coworker of mine reassured me that it really takes courage to put yourself out there and turn a hobby into something bigger. Especially on the internet, where people like to criticize every single facet of your digital existence. With over 150 subscribers and 320,000 hits, I’d like to think that all the time and work I’ve put into this website must amount to something that I should be proud of, right? So I just want to thank all of my wonderful, supportive readers for sticking with me. <3

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So what have I been up to? (Apart from having way too many unfinished blog posts drafted in my queue, waiting for the right time to be published.) My new iPhone 5 case finally arrived all the way from Toronto – isn’t it adorable?! :D And for those of you wondering what nail polish I’m wearing in the photo above, I used Merino Cool and Set in Stones. Although Essie is pricier than most drugstore brands, they’re worth the extra few bucks. Because as much as I love cheap varnish from New York Color, they don’t prevent the chipping that inevitably comes with all the paperwork I do throughout the week. :<

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Speaking of work, I took the plunge a few weeks ago and bought two pairs of Columnist Pants from Express, since my wardrobe had been slightly lacking in the business casual department. Yes, they were expensive. And because I’m an infamous penny pincher, I was worried that I had made an unnecessary splurge. But I like that the fabric isn’t thin or flimsy – it’s also wrinkle-free so I don’t have to iron them! The fit is better than most dress pants I’ve had. The legs are slightly tapered for that slim look, while still looking professional. They still run a little long and large, though. I ordered them both in a size 4-short, but the waist is a bit loose and the inseams are too long for me to wear flats. But I don’t mind wearing heels every day. ;)

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In other news, I finally gave in and signed up for a gym membership. It would be cliché of me to say that getting in shape was my New Year’s Resolution, but the winter cold got the best of me, so I couldn’t continue my jogging routine. And after taking photos with my friend Mia, I realized just how much weight I had gained over the holidays. :< This was my favorite shot out of the set, though. Click here to hype it on Lookbook! :D

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Although it’s only been a week, I already enjoy it. Going to the gym is convenient and flexible with my work schedule. Whether I’m driving or walking, it’s a very short distance from where I live. And the best part? It’s only two blocks away from my boyfriend’s house. :P Right now, I’ve been sticking exclusively to cardio. But when I’m ready to get toned, I’ll look into weights. I just had my first Zumba class the other night, too! Although it’s not as intense as I was hoping for it to be, it’s still a lot of fun. Since I already have experience in Latin dance, it was easy for me to pick up right away. :)

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And although it may be too early to be thinking about the beach, I hope that with enough determination I could have a bikini body by summer. I’ve already been drooling over pretty swimsuits on ASOS. >.<; Wish me luck! :X

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It’s holiday season again. :)

So what’s been up with me? Well, for one, I started paying back my student loans. I’ve decide that instead of paying them all back as quickly as possible, I would rather only pay a small sum of $300/month over the next 10 years. True, I end up paying a few thousand more in interest in the long run, but this way I don’t have to struggle to make ends meet for the next few years and I can afford to invest and save up for more important things. Like a car and auto insurance, for example, since I just passed my road test yesterday morning. I’m late by a few years, but hey, I’m a New Yorker. :P I’ve decided that starting this January, I’ll be keeping track of my budget and spending via Excel spreadsheets to get a better estimate of when I’ll be ready to move out of my parents’ house. >.<;

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Other than that, I’ve been basking in the holiday cheer. Everywhere I go, stores are playing Christmas music and holding seasonal sales if you haven’t done your gift-shopping yet. My own house has transformed overnight with all the lights and decorations I helped my family put up. Personally, the white mesh poinsettia below is my favorite ornament on our tree. :)

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I’ve also found some amazing steals at my local 99 cents store – particularly a set of charming gift bags that feature a different old-fashioned shoppe on each one, and the snow is glitterized! :) Obviously, I grabbed several. (Though I still hold to this creative gift-wrapping idea I posted about 2 years ago for larger and rectangular presents.) If I had gone to Hallmark, similar gift bags would have cost me $6 to $8 per piece. o.o Oh, and I also found a box of holiday cards for under a dollar while perusing the discount store. It can’t get any better than that. :D

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And speaking of gifts, Hanukkah started last Saturday! I’m no stranger to dating Jewish men, so le boyfriend didn’t have to do much explaining to me. I bought him several things, but my favorite has to be the LEGO Architecture model based on the Solomon R. Guggenheim museum, which he happened to mention was his favorite New York City landmark a few months ago. I haven’t visited in years, so hopefully we can go sometime this winter, too! :D

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And since it’s dry skin/hair season, as well, I remind you all to restock on your favorite beauty products. Mine include Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Lotion and TRESemmè Heat Tamer Spray. If you want to check out more of my favorite brands and products, I have a tab at the top of my page to lead you there. :P Anyway, stay tuned for more holiday posts from me. Until next time! ^.^

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Indecisive.

A lot has happened over the past few weeks. After applying to over 30 jobs that were relevant to my major, I figured it would be a practical decision to find part-time work to hold me over until my next career opportunity arose. Almost immediately, I landed a waitressing position at Torigo Japanese Restaurant – located conveniently close to home. I made some new acquaintances and got comfortable with the environment, since I thought I would be staying for several months (at least). Which made it even more difficult for me to quit after a few days when I was offered a full-time position at Theradynamics Rehab Management this past weekend. Can you blame me for assuming it would take me a while to find real employment in this economy?

Today was my first day working as an HR Recruiter, all the way in Woodbury. So far, I really like my coworkers. The office is much more friendly, professional, and welcoming than the last one I worked in. So imagine my surprise when I received a call during my lunch break from Winthrop University Hospital, where I gave an interview last Friday. Apparently, I had impressed them and they wanted to schedule another interview with me this week. Words cannot express how excited I am right now. But here is where I’m torn. If I am offered the position and choose to accept it, that would mean I left three jobs in the span of three weeks. I’m not going to lie, I feel flaky. Additionally, it makes me question my ability to commit. :( True, I can always leave them out of my resume. But I’m so paranoid that a thorough background check would reveal the income tax forms I had filled out for these short-term positions. Thinking about taxes in general get me nervous. >.<;

On the other hand, working at Winthrop would place me one (small) step closer to advancing my career. The starting salary is significantly higher, and it’s only a 20-minute bus ride from my house! :) Commuting has always been the biggest issue with me working on Long Island, since public transportation isn’t as reliable as it is in the city. So I’ve got my fingers crossed, and I’m hoping for the best. For the first time in months, I finally feel like my life is slowly falling into place. Wish me luck! ^.^


If You Start A Fire [Be Prepared To Burn]

First of all, let me get this out of the way – I’m not a regular theater-goer. My boyfriend and I simply decided to do something different last Saturday night and see an off-Broadway production of my choice. And to be honest, I didn’t even look up anything further than the one-paragraph blurb on the Mondays Dark Theatre Company website about If You Start A Fire before we went to see it at The 45th Street Theater. And you know what? The experience inspired us to make it a point to see plays more often, even if it’s only once every few months. Why? Because we paid $25 each for a ticket to a show that was worth so much more.

After having dinner and a few drinks at Cooper’s Tavern a few block away, we arrived at the venue fifteen minutes early. (Of course, I picked up some of the promotional flyers laid out on the table at the entrance for my scrapbook.) Anyway, we walked up a few flights of stairs and into the waiting room, where were checked in and were told that it was a full house that night. As everyone was being seated in the theater, I was immediately greeted by 8-bit video game music remixes and the set for the first scene – which, to my delight, was made out to be a small apartment that included things like a Macbook, a Legend of Zelda poster on the wall, a Guitar Hero controller, and several bottles of liquor in the background. It’s the small details like this that already had me intrigued before it even started.

The premise of the play revolves around a young couple trying to get rich in the recession we live in. Lucy is a part-time waitress who is going to school for her MBA, and Chris is a college dropout who just lost his job as a truck driver, along with their health insurance benefits. Tired of living paycheck-to-paycheck, they come up with a plan to “sell the illusion of sex” via the internet through live webcam – and soon they’re making good business. The first half of the show was a light-hearted comedy that explored their relationship, the reasoning behind why selling virtual sex was acceptable in this day and age, and the struggles both had to go through with their paying clients.

But the second half was much darker – delving into the loss of morality, humanity, and self. It really asks the audience, “How far are you willing to go for money?” When things spin out of control, I was shocked by how different of a person Lucy had become. And by the end, you can’t help but sympathize with Chris. Overall, this play was excellently written, and the actors really had me feeling what they were going through. My only criticism is that because the couple was so relatable at the beginning, there should have been a more complex closure to their relationship and the play as a whole.