Boyfriend Material

Warning: This post is going to be a brief analysis of my last relationship, and my expectations for my future ones. If you have no interest in my personal life at all, feel free to skip right past this. In the meantime, check out this awesome photo that I took at the RA Awards Ceremony Banquet last Tuesday. :D

It’s been more than three months since Michael and I broke up. Lasting over two and a half years, it was the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. It wasn’t perfect, but we were really happy for a while. Unfortunately, things change and people develop different ideas of what they want in life and for a future together. But I’m not going to sit here and cry about how lonely it is to make the adjustment into being single. I’m over it. I wouldn’t say that I regret investing so much time and emotion into one person, either. If anything, I look forward to taking what I learned and applying it to my future encounters.

Recently, I had several long conversations with friends and family about my decision to be alone. Many were disappointed that I had “let him go” because “he was a keeper.” Others told me I “did the right thing” because “personal goals and happiness should be placed at a higher priority.” This called into question what makes someone “boyfriend material” to me. Of course, it’s all subjective – my parents liked him because he had solid career aspirations, while my closest friends thought he was funny and easy to get along with.

I’m going to be honest and admit that I’ve been dating casually ever since the breakup. Not because I’m “rebounding” or whatever the kids call it these days. I just feel like a long “recovery” period isn’t necessary, and that it’s healthier for me to be optimistic. And who doesn’t like the feeling of companionship? If anything, it prepared me sooner for another long term relationship.

The problem is that the bar has been raised. It’s inevitable that there’s going to be some comparison whenever I meet and date someone new. There’s always going to be the voice in the back of my head that tells me that a new guy is “too old”, “too young”, “too boring”, “not funny enough”, “not ambitious enough.” But the new standard can be a good thing. Why settle for less than I deserve?

I’m not incredibly picky, but some things are deal breakers. I used to think that a college education was one of them, but I’m realizing more and more that school isn’t for everyone. As long as they have a respectable career, I find that characteristics such as loyalty and a good sense of humor are more important to me. I don’t want to be “taken care of” in the financial sense, but I do want to feel secure. Respect for my body, intellect, and beliefs are a must, too. But when it comes to more specific (and maybe silly) things, I’d like for them to be productive, somewhat spontaneous, and willing to take initiative. They must enjoy picture-taking and food as much as I do, and be open to trying new things and going to new places. Someone I can see a future with, you know?

I’m just grateful for having really close friends who look out for me when I refuse to see the bad in some people, though. They tell me if they think I may be making the wrong decisions in regard to who I spend my time on. They’re not afraid to sit me down and tell me, “Kristina, I don’t think he’s right for you at all.” Which is why I always love hearing their input and opinion on who I’m seeing at the time. They know me best, after all.

But I live in a generation and am part of an age group that may not be ready for a “real” relationship yet. Many of my friends in college are still in that phase where all they want from someone is casual sex with no strings attached. Clearly, that’s not what I’m looking for. But when the vast majority of the dating pool around you has ulterior motives for getting to know you, it’s a little disheartening.

Take my current situation, for example. I’ve been seeing someone in particular for about a month now. I’ve met his family and all his closest friends. Affectionate words and gestures are exchanged. But there’s been no communication at all as to whether we’re exclusive, or whether this is going to go anywhere. Not that it really matters to me – I plan to go with the flow until there’s no way around the question. And maybe I’m a coward for not wanting to ask, but I’m afraid of ruining something good. I’m hopeless, aren’t I?

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4 responses to “Boyfriend Material

  1. I was a little surprised to see this entry from your blog. But then again blogging is a great outlet. I deleted my first wordpress because it was filled with depressing rants of me getting over the first and longest relationship I’ve ever had. And you are right, the bar is now raised for you and comparisons will be made, well, at first. But be glad that you have standards and that you know what you deserve. I talk to close friends who have never really dated and they are always nervous about guys because they don’t know where to draw the lines or what to expect.

    Like every experience, relationships are great things to learn from. I think the best part of breakups, as sad as it is, is that you get to step back from everything and really look at yourself, like who you are, what you want, and where are you going. It gives you a chance to look forward to find something else wonderful later on, while still having good memories.

    • I was surprised that I published this, too. I try to avoid writing about things that are too personal – mostly because I have so many friends/family/strangers who read this. (My subscribers probably aren’t all that interested in my life outside of shopping and fashion anyway.) This week, my average daily hit count went up to 800, and I would prefer not displaying my dirty laundry on here. But I guess this is in the “safe zone”.

      Thank you for your words of wisdom. I have a constant fear that I’ll be alone forever, and that no one I ever meet will meet the standards that Michael left behind. But then I realize that I’m being silly. >.<; We're still young, anyhow.

  2. Its good to show your readers your a side of you that isn’t completely focused on shopping :p <3
    But in all honesty, since we've discussed this before, there is nothing wrong with knowing exactly what you want and not settling for less. Overlooking something "small" might end up driving you batty later, which will only lead to a painful breakup. And you know we are always looking out for you to catch the things you might miss. <3
    As for your new boy, I'm a big advocate of getting it right out there. There is nothing wrong with casually dating as long as both parties "know what this is." As shy as I know you can be, I would definitely have a non-judgemental, no -pressure discussion just to see where you stand. You can make the decision from there as to wether you're ok with your current situation or to move on. :)

    /rant.

    • I have a hunch that the only reason they read my blog is for the shopping aspect. D; And thank you, I know you guys are there for me. <3 I'll think about having that discussion soon. Maybe you'll even get to meet him and give me your honest opinion. :)

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